Sadie Quinn Baker from Every Life Has A Story

Becky & Zak lost their first born child, Sadie Quinn, on July 10th, 2010 due to pre-eclampsia & HELLP syndrome at 24 weeks pregnant.

Hummingbirds remind me of my Sadie~tiny, gorgeous, and perfect! I was nearly kissed on my cheek by one my first week home from the hospital as I sat on my proch, there began my love for humming birds! I particularly love the ones with green on them as I imagine Sadie would have had green eyes like her daddy and myself!!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

What to do

What not to say to a grieving person

I found this recently and wanted to share.  I think grief is a seriously strong thing, everyone handles it differently.  I have come to realize people do not know what to do or say.  I don't think I even knew or now know what to do, its different for everyone.  Anyway, I found this and thought it interesting and wanted to share!

It's hard to know what to say to a grieving parent. Our own fear of loss can render us immobile. And sometimes people feel like they have to think of the "perfect" thing to say. There is no "perfect" thing to say. There is nothing you can say to heal the grief of losing a child. But acknowledging and supporting grief is a way to help healing. Please know that the effort of talking about the baby, the loss, and the sadness will be appreciated, even if it's not "perfect."

Some Things NOT to Say:

  • "It was God's will."
  • "It was meant to be" or "it was for the best."
  • "Your baby is in a better place now."
  • "Time heals all wounds."
  • "I know just how you feel." (Unless you have personally experienced the loss of a baby.)
  • "It's been ___ amount of time and aren't you over it yet? It's time to get on with your life."
  • "At least you have other children" or "At least you can have other children."
  • "Now you will have an angel in heaven."
- Snap out of it
- It wasn’t meant to be
- You must be strong
- You must move on
- God will never give you more than you can handle
- I understand
- It’s over with. Let’s not deal with it
- Get a hold of yourself
- Keep a stiff upper lip
- Pull yourself together
- Get back on the horse again
- It was God’s will
- You can always have other children
- You’re young
- Maybe God is trying to teach you a lesson
- Others have it worse than you
-What did you do wrong
- He wouldn’t have been healthy
- It is just nature’s way of dealing with a problem

How to Help

Please do not stay away or ignore the loss. Bereaved parents need your loving support. Not speaking about it does not lessen its reality. Bring up the subject, and be prepared for tears. Nothing you say will ever make the bereaved parent sadder than the reality of losing a child. Simply allowing a safe space for them to grieve without denying that grief is all that's required of you. Remember, it is usually the simple things you say or do that mean so much.

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