One year ago today our dear Sadie Quinn was born. She lived only a few minutes.
One year ago today I lay in a hospital bed in disbelief that my baby was taken from me, and now lying in my arms not breathing, her heart not beating, dead!
One year ago my life changed like I never imagined. Like I never planned it to. I became a mother. A mother to a beautiful and in my eyes, a perfect baby girl.
There are ones that forget that I am a mother, forget that Sadie lived, forget what happened that horrific day on year ago today. But I will never forget. I will never let go of the life our daughter lived. I will never let her memory fade or her funny ways slip from my heart and mind.
I have relived every moment of the week leading up to Sadie's birth: The day we finished her nursery. The day we hung her pink baby Red Sox hat. The day I bought her first pair of shoes. My last OB visit. The fear I had when everything started going wrong...not fear for myself, but fear for my baby. The shock of hearing that we had to have a c-section to try to save us. The utter horror of the NICU informing me they couldn't save Sadie. The first time I held her in my arms while they were still operating on me. The last gasp of air she took. The look on my husbands face when I saw him walk into the post-op room. The look of utter despair on his face as he held Sadie the first time. Showing her to my mom, my dad, my brothers, sister and sisters-in-law, and my husbands sister. The last prayer my hisband, Sadie and I shared together as a family. The nurse coming to take Sadie away, for the last time. Picking Sadie up at the funeral home in NYC in her tiny little urn. The long drive home with Sadie between my husband and I, in an urn, not in her car seat as she should have been.
One year ago today...today July 10th 2011 Sadie would be one year old.
I miss my baby girl every second of every day. Not a moment goes by that I don't miss or love my Sadie!
Till I see you again my beautiful, perfect baby girl...mommy and daddy love you
Hummingbirds remind me of my Sadie~tiny, gorgeous, and perfect! I was nearly kissed on my cheek by one my first week home from the hospital as I sat on my proch, there began my love for humming birds! I particularly love the ones with green on them as I imagine Sadie would have had green eyes like her daddy and myself!!
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7 comments:
Thinking of you
Happy Birthday sweet Sadie. Sending you lots of strength and prayers today.
I shed a tear for you and Sadie while reading this! I'm so sorry that a year has gone by without your beautiful daughter.
Sending Love your way!
((hugs))
Thinking of Sadie on her first birthday in Heaven. I know Sadie and Lily are playing and having lots of fun today..
((hugs))
Thinking of Sadie on her first birthday in Heaven. I know Sadie and Lily are playing and having lots of fun today..
Hugs and prayers to you and your beautiful daughter.
Thinking of you and your sweet baby girl on her first birthday in heaven.
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