Sadie Quinn Baker from Every Life Has A Story

Becky & Zak lost their first born child, Sadie Quinn, on July 10th, 2010 due to pre-eclampsia & HELLP syndrome at 24 weeks pregnant.

Hummingbirds remind me of my Sadie~tiny, gorgeous, and perfect! I was nearly kissed on my cheek by one my first week home from the hospital as I sat on my proch, there began my love for humming birds! I particularly love the ones with green on them as I imagine Sadie would have had green eyes like her daddy and myself!!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

"Time heals......."

"time heals" we've all heard it many times, I am sure.

I've been thinking about that statement lately..."time heals"

Today my Sadie would be 8 months old! 8 MONTHS!! WOW! I can't believe it has been 8 months since we last held her in our arms, since we last toughed her cheeks, held her hands, since we were last together as a family!

While I agree, I do not feel that enormous black cloud hanging over me, I am not "healed" by any means! My heart is still broken and aching from not having our baby in our warm embrace! My thoughts are constantly of her! Every baby that passes by.... Every pregnant woman I come across.... Every everything, my thoughts are of Sadie!

So then I ask "time heals"...WHAT? It certainly has not healed me.

I have come to conclude the only thing time heals is other peoples memory of what happened, their memory of what we lost, their memory that for me, time does not heal! Time does not heal the baby-less mother and father. Time does not heal that!

So please don't act like time has healed me. Don't be fooled by my smile, or my momentary display of happiness, don't be mislead if I act like I am ok, don't let my act of getting through the day let you think time has healed me! BECAUSE IT HAS NOT!!

Please don't forget!! Don't act like nothing happened! I haven't!!! And inside my body and my head, in the privacy of my room, I AM NOT HEALED! I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN ONE SINGLE BIT! Don't let me fool you.......


Becky said...

I am only 2 months out and as of right now I don't think time will ever heal this pain within my heart. I might learn to one day cope with it better but it will never be healed. It amazes me how a simple is mistaken for me being in a wonderful mood by so many. XO

My New Normal said...

No, time does not heal. I'm 6 months out and still waiting for the "magic" of time to heal me.