9 Months and 2 weeks later....

Here we are, 9 months and 2 weeks after our Sadie came into the world and then left it! We are just now able to hang a family picture on our wall. Its all we have, the quality is very poor, but we were not expecting to have a family picture taken when we did and certainly not under the circumstances we did. All we had was an old i-phone (the picture quality was bad in the older i-phones)!

My husband hung it! It hangs by our bed so we both can look over and see our baby girl! So precious and perfect! Her life too short!

This is what it looks like on our wall, this is our family!!

This is the original picture:

We love you baby girl, miss you every second of every day!!

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

Blog Hop # 3

Hope #3...

I'm feeling like hope is there, unfortunately its dangling on a string in front of me and I can't quite reach it!

I know this blog hop is about being positive, so I will muster up what I can...

Can I call my husband a miracle? A blessing? A source of hope? He is. All that and more! He is so amazing. He tirelessly cares for me, watches out for me, makes sure of everything. He is incredible! I don't know what I would do without him. He is the love of my life! I know its because he has gone through this all with me, but he's even more amazing. I love him, love him more than words can express. For him, I am eternally grateful and appreciative of. I pray I can care and love him as he has me!

As for hope, I guess seeing the trees start to bud, the magnolias on the very of bursting open, the daffodils, hyacinths, forsythias, crocus, that have all come out, this makes me think of hope, or new growth, new seasons and new possibilities!

So here I hold on to hope! Hoping maybe with the coming of the new season we will finally reach out and be able to grab that hope dangling in front of us and see it grow into something of its own....

Here's to hoping!!!

Thank you!!!!

I know I could have written this is my comments under my last post, but I felt it needed it's own post...

THANK YOU TO ALL MY BLOG BLM's!!!!!!!

I was so thankful for all your kind words, ecouragement, support and understanding!
It means so so so much to me to be able to share how I am feeling and then hear all your kind words! It means so much to read your thoughts on your own blogs, it's nice to know people understand!!
I just want to make sure you all know how grateful I am for all your thoughtfulness!!
I'm sorry for all of our losses, but thankful we can sound off to each other!!
Thank you again with all my heart!!

Is it a "stage"??

So, I've been told about, I've read about, I thought I'd experienced it,but here I am again....ANGER!!

I know its part of the grieving process, but I thought I went through anger already! How am I here again! No, I take it back, I am there again, but wow, so much more intense!

I'm angry, (thats the kindest way I can put it, angry!) I am so very very angry, angry at EVERYTHING! I will put it in order:

I'm angry that my baby girl isn't alive, she isn't having her first anything...she is in a tiny urn sitting next to my bed! How is that fair?! She should be in our arms, she should be showered with hugs and kisses and all sorts of attention! But there she lies, in that lil urn...She should be alive, she should be breathing, laughing, smiling, crying.....

I'm angry that I feel like my husband and I are the only ones that remember her! Ok, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, you remember her! TALK ABOUT HER!!!! She is all I think about!! EVERY second of every day she is on my mind! Yes, you are afraid to make me sad so you don't breathe her name, but I am already sad! YOU wont make it worse by talking about her! Yes, its nearly been 9 months, but it was like yesterday to me! You not mentioning her doesn't mean I am not thinking about her, because I am, CONSTANTLY!!!

I'm angry at life, its not fair, its not just! We tried for so long to get pregnant, then we got pregnant and we were thrilled with every second we had with Sadie, then she was taken away from us! HOW IS THIS FAIR!??? Yet others just breath in and POOF pregnant, POOF baby crying in their arms! HOW IS THIS FAIR??? What have we done???

I'm angry, angry as angry can be....

I guess grief isn't really a process, its a wheel!! We come back to certain spots, just because we have experienced it before doesn't mean we wont again I guess!!

Sorry for my negativity, but maybe you understand, or not?!?!?!?!?