Yes I took a line from Chris Isaac!!
Anyway, yup, I did something I shouldn't have! I'll back up...
So when all horribleness broke out and I was in the hospital in NYC, just lost Sadie, horribleness, just horribleness, my amazing sister-in-law, M, along with 2 of my good friends, J & K, went into our house and emptied Sadies nursery, and my entire house of anything baby! They put it in bins and took it to my in-laws where it's been untouched til now...
Here's where I did the bad thing! It's been one year, one week and a few days since we lost Sadie and I decided to go into the bin at my in-laws to look for the calendar and journal I kept during my pregnancy for Sadie! I opened the bin and I can't even tell you what I felt! If any of you BLMs have done the same thing I am confident you know what I felt! It was awful, wonderful and tragically sad all at once! It was so wonderful to be near her things again and to remember what it felt like to be happy, excited, and hopeful! it was awful to see the new items that should be worn out and stained by now! It was awful to see the clothes she never got to wear! It was so sad to feel that pain of loosing her all over again and having to say goodbye as I closed it up and put it back, back into storage! Those things shouldn't be in storage, they should be on her, in her nursery, all over the house!
Who says time heals anyways! I think it must be someone who hasn't felt this loss, someone who has absolutely no clue, no sense of reality! Times doesn't heal, it just makes you miss them all the more and hurt all over again!
So yes, Becky did a bad bad thing....
Hummingbirds remind me of my Sadie~tiny, gorgeous, and perfect! I was nearly kissed on my cheek by one my first week home from the hospital as I sat on my proch, there began my love for humming birds! I particularly love the ones with green on them as I imagine Sadie would have had green eyes like her daddy and myself!!
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2 comments:
Becky that must have been hard for you. Baby and nursery things that never got the chance to be used sucks.
Thinking of you today...
Sometimes, I think it's great for us to allow ourselves to "go there" or to do those things that we know will hurt. I'm proud of you for being brave enough to go through those bins! ((hugs))
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