Wow, I didn't expect it to be like this! We never do right...
Yesterday was July 4th, what was I doing one year ago July 4th? We just finished Sadies nursery! The paint was just finished, Helium pink, no VOC paint, perfect for our precious cargo soon to arrive. Shame was she never got to see her beautiful nursery!
On the 10th our Sadie would turn one year old! One year! Wow!
We sat on the beach yesterday, my husband and I, talking about one year ago, how excited we were, newly finished nursery, baby on the way....what a difference a year makes, huh?
I hate people, I hate what life has given (or not given) us, I hate that Sadie isn't here with us, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!!
I know none of us in the dead baby club looks forward to the anniversary of loosing our baby, but I really am not looking forward to this. One year, one year, one year! How do we get through this??
Today, doing errands, I drove with the windows wide open, hair flying around like crazy, music playing. I thought how I haven't really let me hair down like that in a while. I really haven't listened to music and enjoyed it. I haven't sang along to the songs. And here I am, just a few days before our Sadie should be turning one, doing all these things I haven't done in years!
I hope this means I am "getting somewhere", that I am progressing and learning to live with this mess we have been dealt. Learning to live with my heart broken and part of my life gone forever!
In just a few days, it will be one year ago that we lost our baby girl, our future, our hopes, our dreams, part of our life! One year ago that our lives changed forever.....
Hummingbirds remind me of my Sadie~tiny, gorgeous, and perfect! I was nearly kissed on my cheek by one my first week home from the hospital as I sat on my proch, there began my love for humming birds! I particularly love the ones with green on them as I imagine Sadie would have had green eyes like her daddy and myself!!
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3 comments:
Thinking of you and sweet Sadie ((hugs))
Big hugs to you xoxo I'll be thinking of you over the next few days.
-Malory
I've been reading your posts and thinking about how close our angels' birthdays were, and it's just amazing that they're so close. I'm so sorry you're also going through reliving everything. Hugs.
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