Not sure why, but the last few days I have been having tons of flashbacks, flashbacks to the day Sadie was born and then died (July 10th, 2010th) and the days leading up it it!
I did this a lot when I got home from the hospital and the months after that, but now they are more frequent and vivid! I stop for a second and I get a flashback! I feel like I am reliving it all over again, but now it's all clearer! I'm living everything all over again, but now in high def!
This has made me want to remember more details about everything from the hospital! There are still things I am very unclear of, like all the days I was in ICU, I have heard stories of different things that happened, but I remember none of it, I want to, I want to know everything that happened!
I used to cry myself to sleep that I could/would not remember what Sadie looked like or felt like, but I now know, 11 months after I last held her, I haven't forgotten what she looked like! I remember my baby girl, I remember! Now I pray I continue to rememeber! I do forget what she felt like, I want t remember that, but I can't find it! I want to remember what she smelt like, but I can't remember that either! I want to, I wan to so badly!
Will I always flashback to what happened, to that day my baby had to be taken from me??
Hummingbirds remind me of my Sadie~tiny, gorgeous, and perfect! I was nearly kissed on my cheek by one my first week home from the hospital as I sat on my proch, there began my love for humming birds! I particularly love the ones with green on them as I imagine Sadie would have had green eyes like her daddy and myself!!
1 comment:
I'm not sure, but I get them too and I feel your pain.
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