Sadie Quinn Baker from Every Life Has A Story

Becky & Zak lost their first born child, Sadie Quinn, on July 10th, 2010 due to pre-eclampsia & HELLP syndrome at 24 weeks pregnant.

Hummingbirds remind me of my Sadie~tiny, gorgeous, and perfect! I was nearly kissed on my cheek by one my first week home from the hospital as I sat on my proch, there began my love for humming birds! I particularly love the ones with green on them as I imagine Sadie would have had green eyes like her daddy and myself!!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Blog hop #2

This month, I have to say, I truly feel more hopeful! I don't even have to think about it, I DO FEEL HOPEFUL!

We recently met with two woman whom became a HUGE part of my life that 10th day of July! I will NEVER forget these two woman and all they have done for me. They have helped me in ways I can never express.
I got to meet with them both a few days ago, and it was such an amazing time. I haven't seen them both since the week I left the hospital, but we've been in touch! To see them again, to give them huge hugs, to talk with them, to cry with them, it was a huge point in this process of grief! They gave me hope....hope that maybe one day I will see a rainbow!   You see for a time, I wasn't sure if I'd ever get to see a rainbow for myself.

I've longed for, in fact prayed for the chance to see a rainbow...and now I know I have the hope that I just may in fact see MY rainbow!!

I know its just a little thing, and I am hoping its not all for not!

Even if my hope is dangling on a string in front of me, its there right?  And for that I am grateful!

Now I guess we just wait and see....will I see MY rainbow??!?!!?!?!?!??!  Time will tell!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Your Thoughts Please!!

So, I had a most beautiful video made by Malory at Every Life Has a Story. I have shared it with my friends in blog world, but have been hesitant to share it with my real life family and friends!

Well, there were a few times I felt ready to share it, but something always came up (surprise anniversary parties, new pregnancies, etc etc etc) and I didn't want to ruin their moments by making people sad!

I want so badly for everyone to know our baby! I think people forget she was real, she was alive, she is a HUGE part of my every second of every day! I want people to know her story! She was born in another state then we live, so not many people got to come to the hospital, and of the ones who came to the hospital, most didn't get to see her. She is my baby, I am so proud of her, I am so sad for her, I want to share her with everyone.

I'm just not sure how my real life friends will take it! So...what do you think?!?!?! Should I share the video via an e-mail attachment, or should I not? What do you think????

Thursday, March 10, 2011

"Time heals......."

"time heals" we've all heard it many times, I am sure.

I've been thinking about that statement lately..."time heals"

Today my Sadie would be 8 months old! 8 MONTHS!! WOW! I can't believe it has been 8 months since we last held her in our arms, since we last toughed her cheeks, held her hands, since we were last together as a family!

While I agree, I do not feel that enormous black cloud hanging over me, I am not "healed" by any means! My heart is still broken and aching from not having our baby in our warm embrace! My thoughts are constantly of her! Every baby that passes by.... Every pregnant woman I come across.... Every everything, my thoughts are of Sadie!

So then I ask "time heals"...WHAT? It certainly has not healed me.

I have come to conclude the only thing time heals is other peoples memory of what happened, their memory of what we lost, their memory that for me, time does not heal! Time does not heal the baby-less mother and father. Time does not heal that!

So please don't act like time has healed me. Don't be fooled by my smile, or my momentary display of happiness, don't be mislead if I act like I am ok, don't let my act of getting through the day let you think time has healed me! BECAUSE IT HAS NOT!!

Please don't forget!! Don't act like nothing happened! I haven't!!! And inside my body and my head, in the privacy of my room, I AM NOT HEALED! I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN ONE SINGLE BIT! Don't let me fool you.......